I'm here and there.

[pricciar]

I saw Funny People on Monday. I enjoyed it. I think Adam Sandler does a pretty good job in a semi serious role. It did give me a fun idea; I think it would be awesome to write a routine as if you were living in 1988 and perform it without comment at an open mic night. Hilarity ensues. Not for the audience, but surely for you.

I am done with chemo, hopefully. But, I still have the side effects. Really tired and fingers and toes are numb. It makes it a pain in the butt to type. It's possible that this is permanent - hopefully not! The tiredness will get better with time, so there is that. At least I can enjoy cold drinks again. Of course the social side effects are still around. It feels like I shedded somewhere around 90 percent of my friends. Some of them Santa Barbara people where it is out of sight out of mind - I suppose. Some of it is just in my head, maybe. There are a few people who I used to talk to every day and now I barely even talk to them. One friend told me sometimes when tragedy strikes a person other people want to step away in a subconscious irrational fear of it being contagious. Perhaps, that's part of the reason. Also, sometimes people just grow apart or pick up different habits that are not as compatible with friendships. That's life - it just sucks that this growing apart had to occur now. On a good note I still have a few good friends who I still talk to, even if it isn't every day or even even every month.

I started reading again. All easy read books like mysteries and comedy stuff - but that is better than the nothing I was at before. I need to go to that good reads site to update my latest reads.

Speaking of review sites - I have really been loving yelp. Both for finding new places to try and for writing reviews of places. Great stuff.

Comments

[mandy-moon.livejournal.com]

I was so surprised and happy to see you comment yesterday! I get overwhelmed at the idea of responding to comments, but I have no problem visiting you. Hi!

I was struck really hard by one thing you said here, about how friends have disappeared and the unconscious fear of tragedy being contagious. I don't think that's my problem exactly, but there's another reason why I shy away from people when they're having hard times- like this girl at work that I like very much. Her mother died recently and suddenly and she was shocked and devastated by this. She was out for a week and now she's back, but I'm afraid to go into the diagnostic lab and see her. The real reason is that I'm afraid I won't act normal or appropriately in front her, will fear whether it's ok to talk about her mom, mention her mom, or should I act like nothing's happened?

Now that you've pointed this out, I feel terrible. On Monday I'm going in there no matter what. The same thing has happened to me when awful things have happened and nobody knows what to say. But it looks like the best thing to say is never *nothing*.

The done with chemo part is good! The part about being dead tired all the time going away eventually is good!

[backuplj.livejournal.com]

Well, I definitely miss talking to you every day. It's been a long time since we were in that groove. But it wasn't because of tragedy that I drifted away... I'm just not online as much because of the kid, and when I am online, I'm only half-assin' it. I do love reading your updates on Facebook when you post them, and I wish we could talk sometime soon. In the vein of someone I do indeed miss, I'll end with

sarah

[hairy-canary.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that some people in your life are being douches. I've heard that too, about the subconscious fear of it being contagious. I also think it's a lot to do with not knowing what to say. If there's any kind of silver lining though, I think it's that you do find out who your real friends are. I shed most of mine (or rather, they shed me) when my marriage ended. The few that stuck with me, and the odd few who came out of the woodwork when I was diagnosed... it was very telling. And surprising in a few cases. But a good education.

So you got the neuropathy too? (How are your fingernails? Mine are gross!) I got feeling back in my fingers pretty quickly, but it's taking longer for my feet to return to normal. I'm pretty sure they will though. It's gradual, but it's happening. Everything else - I think it took about 5 weeks or so before I didn't feel like crap. But - the feeling is so good when it all really starts to lift. It's definitely something to look forward too.