nonsense: for all my peeps
Mar. 23rd, 2008 01:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pricciarIf I were a cartoon character I would hope to be some sort of funny animal who wore a hat. It could be any sort of hat, and my ears should poke out of the holes in the hat in a jaunty European manner. (Only Europeans have ears who can say so many things with just a whisper. And, maybe the Icelandic.) I wouldn't be the type of cartoon character who constantly has bad things happen to them like electrocutions that cause punky hair styles, or anvils fall on their heads and flattening them, or maybe a car running over a hand and making it look like a pancake. I wouldn't mind being able to have super powers, or have neat contraptions like the Flintstones had. But, I wouldn't want to risk cartoon pain hurting a lot. Maybe, I will become a wise cracking prairie dog who solves crimes and picks up hot prairie mole chicks while he is not busy cracking wise or solving crimes. Sadly, I don't know if it is possible to have a cartoon based on me that involves three characteristics that I never held in real life. So, my cartoon character might be a corny pot bellied pig who plays video games and tells jokes like "Want to hear a dirty joke?! BOY FELL IN THE MUD!"
The other day I accused someone in the supermarket of stealing my shopping cart. I brought a manager over and pointed to the Pringles Potato chips as definite proof that that cart belonged to me. I ranted. And I raved. I threatened to take my business elsewhere, and I told the manager that it was obvious he was letting this mother of two steal my cart because she was white and I was Korean. Acme has ALWAYS had an anti-korean mindset. I finally calmed down when the manager promised to fill my cart for me and give me a coupon for five boxes of tasty cakes, and one box of Cigarettes. I told him I don't smoke, and he replied "You're never too old to start! Young man, seize the day!" When I was in the checkout line with my stuff I switched carts with the old lady in front of me. She was so engrossed by this month's issue of Seventeen-AGAIN that she didn't even notice. I knew she was a good target once she picked up that issue and turned directly to page 15 "Liver Spots: Today's acne." Her cigarette stained fingers grasped the pages of the glossy geriatric tip sheet and shook with delight as she saw there was ways to be young again. Finally be young again. I went home with two bottles of 17 hair dye, a kilo of vodka and, surprisingly, two boxes of Magnum condoms. I think these unpicked out items are worth it for the good times, and for the premium porterhouse steaks she picked out.
Tomorrow is Easter. Which is not a huge holiday for me, even though I love chocolate like many people love their Lord. The bigger holiday for me arrives on Monday when I go to the supermarket with heavy duty cargo bags and a serious desire to buy every single box of Cadbury Eggs in the store and at every store in a 50 mile radius for half off, or 75 percent off, or 95 percent off. Then I have eggs for every day of the year and at that moment I know for a fact that God loves me and his plan for the universe is a good one. I hope everyone else has a great Sunday
Peeps aren't bad. But, they aren't great either. They are good for torturing in the microwave, though. I wonder if a Peeps Smore would be good. Another project worth investigating. Is it any wonder that a pot bellied pig turned out to be my cartoon? If only I drank like a fish I could be that prairie dog who wisecracks. Or maybe just a fish. A drunk fish. An angry drunk fish. A crappy carp, if you will. And, I won't.
The other day I accused someone in the supermarket of stealing my shopping cart. I brought a manager over and pointed to the Pringles Potato chips as definite proof that that cart belonged to me. I ranted. And I raved. I threatened to take my business elsewhere, and I told the manager that it was obvious he was letting this mother of two steal my cart because she was white and I was Korean. Acme has ALWAYS had an anti-korean mindset. I finally calmed down when the manager promised to fill my cart for me and give me a coupon for five boxes of tasty cakes, and one box of Cigarettes. I told him I don't smoke, and he replied "You're never too old to start! Young man, seize the day!" When I was in the checkout line with my stuff I switched carts with the old lady in front of me. She was so engrossed by this month's issue of Seventeen-AGAIN that she didn't even notice. I knew she was a good target once she picked up that issue and turned directly to page 15 "Liver Spots: Today's acne." Her cigarette stained fingers grasped the pages of the glossy geriatric tip sheet and shook with delight as she saw there was ways to be young again. Finally be young again. I went home with two bottles of 17 hair dye, a kilo of vodka and, surprisingly, two boxes of Magnum condoms. I think these unpicked out items are worth it for the good times, and for the premium porterhouse steaks she picked out.
Tomorrow is Easter. Which is not a huge holiday for me, even though I love chocolate like many people love their Lord. The bigger holiday for me arrives on Monday when I go to the supermarket with heavy duty cargo bags and a serious desire to buy every single box of Cadbury Eggs in the store and at every store in a 50 mile radius for half off, or 75 percent off, or 95 percent off. Then I have eggs for every day of the year and at that moment I know for a fact that God loves me and his plan for the universe is a good one. I hope everyone else has a great Sunday
Peeps aren't bad. But, they aren't great either. They are good for torturing in the microwave, though. I wonder if a Peeps Smore would be good. Another project worth investigating. Is it any wonder that a pot bellied pig turned out to be my cartoon? If only I drank like a fish I could be that prairie dog who wisecracks. Or maybe just a fish. A drunk fish. An angry drunk fish. A crappy carp, if you will. And, I won't.
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-23 06:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-23 06:07 am (UTC)I pretty much have the same plan for easter Monday except I'm in it for the Reese's egg things. The ones I've been craving since the commercial that implied that a chocolate bunny and a jar of peanut butter fornicated.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-23 01:38 pm (UTC)i LOVE peeps. i expect to see some on tuesday! and you can't truly appreciate cashing in on the post-easter sale of stale peeps unless you are jewish, i'm afraid to say.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-23 03:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-23 03:01 pm (UTC)A full-on Easter s'more is quite tasty also. Instead of using a chocolate bar, you stack in a Reese's peanut butter egg. So worth it.
I'd like to be a cartoon character also. But only so I can wear the same clothes every day and no one would comment negatively. So, either a cartoon character or go to jail. Or the Army. But I'm a big fat coward, so the Army is out. And I'm not a fan of ass-rape, so I don't think jail would be the way to go. Yeah, cartoon.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-24 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-24 04:57 am (UTC)